Closer (Nightmares)

Closer (Nightmares)

Day dreamer living in a nightmare
Wake up cold sweats, must've been another night terror
Yell out, but there's no response
Screams muted by the night air
Looking in the mirror rapid growth of white hairs

See my situation's fucked up
Got me wondering how
How Ima make it through
Look up at the stars, but they hold no clues
Not what I envisioned in my dreams
Not the life I'd choose
Life's got my ego bruised
Regardless of what I do I always seem to lose

I'm getting lower
I feel it in my sleep
Not at all my dream world
I'm getting closer to my nightmares
Closer to my fears
Closer to drowning in my sorrows
I've cried too many tears

Hard to not let nightmares get the best of me
Especially when life's got the rest of me
Closer to the edge of insanity
Haunted by demons randomly
Stuck
Asking my self:
Can it be?

Nightmares become a mirror to reality
Reality reflecting my nightmares
Thoughts become cloudy
Unclear
Wondering how life got closer
Closer to my nightmares

I'm getting lower
I feel it in my sleep
Not at all my dream world
I'm getting closer to my nightmares
Closer to my fears
Closer to drowning in my sorrows
I've cried too many tears

Forever Yours

My latest poem. Enjoy:

Forever Yours

I'll never leave you
A shadow by you side
On your loneliest nights
I give you my shoulder to cry
As long as it helps you survive
Nothing is too great of a deed
If it helps you get by

Even when you can't see me
Baby I'm still right here
You may not able to feel my touch
But even your softest whisper I hear
Nothing you ask is ever too much
Alone. Is something you'll never be

Whether Good or bad
Joyous or sad
No one can ever take me from you
End of your night
Start of your day
I am your memory
Always one thought away

Physically
Spiritually
Eternally

Forever
Yours.

Happiness

Happiness

Everyone deserves happiness
But not everyone will find it
It's pursuit will leave many blinded
Some will do anything to achieve it
Others will use substance to deceive it
Sometimes its not meant to be
Cold facts
Have to believe it
Happiness comes in many forms
But it best when it's real
Not a facade, a shadow of how you should feel
Time is a bandage that all sorrows it will heal
May not be immediate but soon you'll see that happiness is real...

Few & Far Between

These are starting to become few and far between. I'm not liking that much. Or at all actually. I've stopped posting links to music out of pure greed of not wanting to share. And with that being said has anyone heard Big Sean feat. Mr. Hudson - Way Out? It's a dope song, Try and find it I'm sure you can you tube it. Other things I'm fancying at the moment are my brand new Nexus One...say what you want Blackberry and iPhone junkies, what Google is doing with it's Android operating system for cell phones, tho not totally revolutionary is quite impressive and the feel of it surpasses any other experiences I've had with any other phone I've had, including Blackberry, Windows Mobile, and the iPhone. Enough about my pretty new toy.

I'm still waiting on my taxes to get done. One more week and I'm going to have to get my paperwork back from the person who's supposed to be helping me get them done. I hate waiting. I need this money. End. When you want something done, best to get it done yourself always holds true. Especially for me, being very particular with how things get done.

Projects on the horizon: Philadelphia Demeanor Deluxe Edition. (Cheaper, more poetry, more of what I really wanted my 1st poetry book to be.) Poetry Book # 2 still to be titled. And hopefully memorization of my poetry. I also wanna teach myself how to play the guitar and start getting in better shape...

Well I think Ima cut it here for now. Still have a lot to talk about but I'll save it for another post. And I leave you with this little gem:

Big Sean feat Mr Hudson - Way Out enjoy.

Philadelphia Demeanor Pt. 2

So my book has shipped I have several copies coming to me directly. 5 to be exact 1 for my mom dukes, cause I know she'll cherish it with all her heart the rest are for sale. I have 1 sold already, which means I'll have 3 available for sale at the Poetry show on the 14 and I'm hoping I sell those 3 that day. I joked on twitter that if I sell 10 copies online I will get me a crazy tattoo, but I was half serious if I sell enough online then I'm def going into NY and hitting up Grin Stylez and getting some ink done. Check his work out here: Grin Stylez. I'm already thinking about a Part Two to this book, with all new material, which means I gotta get this pen to the pad. Typing out poems is one thing, but when you actually write them down there's something more organic to the work.

Currently Listening To: Mike Posner - One Foot Out The Door (mixtape)

Buy Philadelphia Demeanor

Philadelphia Demeanor

Finally my poetry book is ready for purchase. If you buy it I hope you enjoy it. I intended to launch it on 2-14 but why wait for tomorrow for what you can do today. If you don't buy it I'm cool with that too, can't make you buy it. Here are the poems included in the book:

Believe in Me
Sleepless Nights
So Sick
Isis
Love VS Lust
Love & Lost
Ms Vixen
Dope In The Flesh
Philadelphia Demeanor

www.lulu.com/nerdgang

Love & Lost

Love & Lost

They say it's better to have loved and lost
Bullshit
There's no greater pain then when love is lost
And is it really worth it
When your heart's the cost
Now your cold inside
Hurt more than your ego
It fucked up your pride
Now love is free for all
But whether in or out it's the hardest fall
So they can say
It's better to have loved and lost
But fuck that
I say it would have been better
To have never loved at all

PS 09

Just a few things I did in 09 that I feel like sharing

Dope In The Flesh

A cocky ass poem by yours truly

Dope In The Flesh

I'm so dope boy fresh, excuse me I mean dope in the flesh
And simply put it's because I'm one of the best
Keyser Soze/Verbal Kint with my word and prose I'm so excellent
Done with being humble I'm on top now
Lebron James/Jay Z can't put the Roc down
Could this be because I'm so dope boy fresh excuse me again I meant to say dope in the flesh
No venue, no practice we were done it seemed
But there's nothing in this world that could stop my team
And what's a drunk poet I can't fuck with that shit
Just the Dope boys of Poetry doing our thing that's it
So with a "2 Finger Wave" over to the "Bartender"
One last thing I need you to remember:
I am Dope in the Flesh
To put it simply just one of the best.

Code Name Isis

Isis


He told me her code name was Isis
But he doesn't realize that he's not the first man she treated like this
The highs where unbelievable but they came with devastating lows
Isis was well versed in the ring she handed excruciating blows
But he still loved her and just quite why nobody knows
He adored the she devil from her head down to her toes
And then came the day he couldn't take it no more
Next thing he knows Isis had walked out the door
But he never had the chance to tell her how he feels
He was so ready to buy that ring and on bended knee kneel
With wounds so deep that years later they still haven't healed
But it's over now like 112's Bad Boy deal
And Isis' M.O. just keeping it real
Is playing with the hearts of men just to stomp them with her stiletto heels
Now once he told me about the girl with the code name Isis
I told him since the days of Adam and Eve there's always been girls like this

Work In Progress

Poetry in Progress gonna give you a glimpse on how it all comes together. So far this is untitled:

A man can only bare but so much on his shoulders before he begins to crumble.
Still on my feet but the load is getting heavy
Pressure bust pipes, explosion's deadly
Stuck in a whirlwind better a yet hurricane called life
But there's no damage to my levy
Built these walls around me to be impregnable
Rarely allow a chance for the outside to look within
One day in my mind will make your head spin
Once you hit rock bottom the only place left to go is up
So why does it feel that I'm still down on my luck
Straight faced, emotionless
Mind state simple: Just don't give a fuck
Never catch me slippin: Not acting careless
But when it comes to the bullshit
I could just care less

The first lines I thought up for this poem were "Once you hit rock the only place left to go is up." Followed by "A man can only bare but so much on his shoulders before he begins to crumble. Still on my feet but this load is heavy" my thought process is rarely linear sometimes I start at the end, some times the middle but rarely the beginning.

Sleepless Nights

An early poem that I wrote, with a simple illustration accompanying it. Here's the poem in regular text:

Sleepless Nights



In bed I lay facing the stars.

The pain, the sorrows, and the mental scars.

I ask God why. Why lord why?

But there is no reply.

Tears run down my face.

This salty taste is too familiar, too frequent.

And as I stare into blank space.

I wonder why does it have to be this way?

I don't know.

I just don't know.

Philadelphia Demeanor

A poem in the works being written by yours truly:

Philadelphia Demeanor

Born and raised between Northern Liberties and The Badlands
The streets were rough so I had no liberties
Parents raised me well so i wouldn't be a bad man
Still every weekend you can catch me down in the Badlands
Never forget where you from
Cause once you turn your back on 'em your done
But you won't really catch me in Northern Liberties no more
It's kinda bourgie now
Nothing how it was when I was around
It's quieter now not the same gun clap and siren sounds
Being from there you would have thought we all were
Penitentiary bound, but I made it in the world with never
Hearing the "lights out" jail sounds.
See I'm not braggin or boastin
Just not a statistic, so I realize there's still hope in...
Hope in the fact that you don't have to rap or play sports
Or fall back on drug dealin as a last resort
But cross my family and you won't get a chance to retort
You see I'm just in a Philly State of Mind better yet
This is my Philadelphia Demeanor
But a better Philly is still what I dream for...

So Sick

Another original by the Poet P (that would be me)

So Sick

So Sick of the same love poems
And the lame emotions they evoke
From depressing lows to marijuana highs
And you don't even smoke
Not talking about facebook when you tell a chick
That you just tryna poke
But she just laughs and giggles
Like you just told a joke
So sick of your swag
And how fly you claim to be
Sounds real suspect,
Lookin more like a fag if you asking me
Super tight jeans and extra big shoes
Looking Like a Clown Is In
Top story on the evening News
So sick of the same stories
With different faces
All you do is bitch
Then wonder why you ain't going places
Same actions equal same results
So whipe up your tears no more time to sulk
So Sick of being So sick
Just gonna sit back and relax
Yeah that's the remedy
Can't walk through life
With bullshit stressing me

Soul Real

Another original poem:

Soul Real

The outside might be damaged
But what's within is Soul Real
This is just an excerpt of
How my soul feels:

So much more than
A stand-up guy
Cause I was raised in a
Good way if you're wondering why
Not concerned with your swagger
Because my demeanor is
So much meaner.
But that's just on the outside.
Come take a peek at the man within.
Not one to perpetrate a life of no sin.
But I have no regrets
No remorse.
Confident in what I've been
Take a look on the inside
Are you happy with the person within?
If you're having a hard time with that
ask yourself one thing.
If I were given the crown
Would I deserve to be King?

So cool on the outside
So Real within
My soul wants to speak
Will you be the one to listen?

Some say life is a game
And if that's so
I'm in it to win
But I'm doing it on my terms
Cause I like the way
I do things
Competition squirms as
I enter the ring
Due to a reputation I earned
Because of the monster within
A tenacious best of
Determination
Dedication and
Desire
A champion in my world
No single man is higher

The outside is damaged
But what's within is Soul Real
Been through Heaven & Hell
This is how my Soul feels

Nerd Gang

Simple photo editing done by myself for a weekly poetry show I used to do

Love VS Lust

Another Original Poem by yours truly

Love Vs. Lust

Don't wanna argue
Don't wanna fuss
Just wanna call you my lady
Make this World about Us
Never question your moves
See your the 1 that I trust.
This could be that thing called love
Or is it that I'm still in lust?

Don't wanna seem insensitive
But I crave your touch
Don't ruin the moment
Don't talk too much
Just live in the moment
No need to rush
This won't last forever
Wether it be Love or Lust

Despite a meeting of our minds
Or a meeting of our hearts
I knew that these 4 letters words
Were gonna battle from the start
Too late to change things now
In the battle between Lust and Love
We all must bow
But that doesn't mean things are over
How bout 1 more round

Believe In Me

The following is an original poem by myself enjoy:


If I could all I'd listen to was your heart beat
'Cause it plays my favorite song
The following is a story on how we could get along

All you have to do to accept me is open your heart
I will be your inspiration, better yet your fresh start
Help rebuild a world which you thought was ripped apart
There's a new mission now to bring light to all you thought was dark

And to start:
I just wanna make you happy but don't know how to make you feel that way
Protect your heart with my soul, and I'm just waiting for the day
The day you you give in and let me melt that ice away
The purity of my heart and soul washing all your pain away

Sometimes I find myself listening to Sade "The Sweetest Taboo"
If I didn't know better I'd swear she stole my thoughts
And wrote that song about you
And if you could listen to my heart you'd see it's all true
That it was meant to be
Happiness & You

Your umbrella in the rain,
Your shade in the sun
What ever you need me to be
I've only got 1 request from you
And that's to believe in me.